i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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