Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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