i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
