I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
