so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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