dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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