i permit you to call me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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