Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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