I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
