While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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