how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
