He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
