Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
two words: eviction party
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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