if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize