He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
