I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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