I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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