Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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