Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
