so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
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I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
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I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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