At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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