first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
They took my balls.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
