just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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