the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize