My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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