What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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