Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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