Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
