so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Houston, we have a blender
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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