literally had 100 drinks last night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
