So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
