Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
