Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
