Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im six kinds of drunk right now
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
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I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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