I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
