do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
