I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
