I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Randomize
