C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm too high and old for this...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
