i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
