and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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