Im at strip club and am horny
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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