You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
