Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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