Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
