I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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