I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
