I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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