Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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