It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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