she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just gift wrapped bread.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
