I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I love you.
Bad choice
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize