; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
