Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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