I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
