i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
