The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
